What’s Hiding in My Heart

{God’s Word Trumps Inadequacy}

Last week I was battling inadequacy. Unfortunately, this is something that comes up often in my life. It would come up as a teacher, trying to tell parents things to do to help their child learn (and behave). I would get the question “Do you have kids?” I’d respond “no, just these 25 I adopt into my heart each year”. Then I’d usually get, “oh well you’ll understand when you have kids.” (Implying, honey you have no idea what you’re talking about.)

Inadequate.

I’ve always felt inadequate in ministry. I am nervous before every life group, I feel inadequate to lead, shepherd, teach, guide, facilitate. When I meet with others who are more “seasoned” in life than I am, I feel well . . . inadequate. When I speak truth into someone’s life, inadequate. Trying to offer encouragement, words of wisdom, inadequate.

Last week I was nearly paralyzed by it. Like couldn’t move, felt sick, trapped, ashamed. I kept hearing the whisper in my ear “you’re not a teacher, who are you to tell someone a bible verse, who are you to tell someone what to do, you don’t have children, you don’t know what it’s like, you’re redemption story isn’t even that great, etc.” Satan, the father of lies, was whispering in my ear and not only was I listening to these lies, I was starting to believe them.

Until the Holy Spirit {my Defender} and Jesus {my Advocate} stood in the gap for me. I soon realized these whispers in my ears were lies from the enemy. My Savior would never speak to me this way . . . you’re worthless, you’re inadequate, are you sure you’re even redeemed? Nope. That was NOT from the LORD.

And I became more resolute on refusing to listen to these lies, I started to think “Yes! I am inadequate. I am nobody. But Christ in me makes me somebody and HE is made strong in my weakness!"

By the next morning . . . the LORD so lovingly, so gently, so directly confronted these lies with His truth. Scriptures I had hidden in my heart a couple of years ago . . .

“ . . . work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:12-13)

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)

It is okay to fear and tremble when I am called to do more than I am capable of or feel worthy of doing because:

#1) It is God who works in me to will and work for His pleasure

and

#2) These are the works He prepared for me beforehand, so I’ll walk in them!

It's Him. All Him. His works for me. Him working in me.

And just as Jesus fought Satan’s lies and temptation with the Word, I will fight with the sword of the Spirit too.

And I will continue to hide the Truth in my heart, that I might not sin against Him (or at a minimum, become paralyzed with these feelings again.)

“In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:16-17)

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11)