Our God Can {Journey through Infertility}

I don’t usually write about infertility.

Too deep.
Too private.
Too dark.
Too hard.

But then I sit with someone who has shared their journey and I’m comforted. Through their brokenness and their pain, I find hope and encouragement.

And I realize that’s thing with the Body of Christ . . . we’re meant to share our stories with one another in order to encourage one another. We’re meant to enter into each other’s pain to help “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

God does not waste pain. No matter what the circumstance.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

If anything being real and honest in our pain and in our weakness gives the LORD even more room to shine through us.

So . . .

Go ahead LORD Jesus.
Shine through.

We have been on this journey for 2 1/2 of years of trying, hoping, waiting, and longing to have a baby.

We went to doctors hoping to hear good news about our chances of getting pregnant . . . We were told we have a 1-2% chance of conceiving.

We did more tests.
We were hoping that everything is working properly and I found out
I have:
Endometriosis
PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)
Blocked Tubes
Hormone Imbalance
Tilted Uterus
And I don’t ovulate often

So . . . not one or two things to work through, but A LOT. The odds and complications are stacked against us. I wrote this all down I thought WOW . . .

You would God.
You would let me see all that is “wrong” with me, you would show me how broken and weak I am, only to show YOU ARE STRONG. Only to prove You are the God who is SUPERnatural.

You are the God who is beyond circumstance.
You’re the God who created the Universe.
You’re the God who parted the Red Sea.
You’re the God sustained the Israelites for 40 years in the desert.
You’re the God who comforted Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, and Hannah in their longing for a child.
And you’re the God who blessed their womb.
You’re the God who created me and formed me in my mother’s womb.
And I long for the day to say YOU’RE the GOD who worked through ALL of this to bless my womb.

So I say . . . GO AHEAD GOD. BLOW OUR MINDS.

I know that OUR GOD CAN.

I know that you have a plan for our family, and whatever that may be, I trust that YOUR way and YOUR plan is better than mine. Should this journey end next month, next year, or different than we think . . . I trust YOUR way and YOUR plan.

And I wait expectantly in HOPE and excitement seeing what you have planned for us.

For Someday

{From Trying to Waiting}

I’m studying Genesis for Academy and love reading about the women in the bible. As I’m reading through the stories of our matriarchs (Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel), I see a common pattern. They all have trouble bearing children.

As we learned our first week in Academy, a woman’s ability to bear children was a big deal back then. It was identity for the woman and also, for the man. As I spend time reflecting on the lives of these women of our faith, I am confused, comforted, and hopeful.

I’m confused because from the very beginning, God tells Adam & Eve to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28). Seems as though the multiplying part is really dependent upon God, not them. (Then again, God’s covenant is always dependent upon Him, not us. It will be only because HE is.)

I realize that all of them really had no control over bearing children. In one verse it even says “Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb.” (Genesis 30:22) Not that God forgets, but thinking more like now it’s her time. He heard her cry, He placed that desire in her heart, He ultimately blesses her womb.

We have been trying to get pregnant since the end of last year. We’re not frustrated yet, but just in a place of disappointment. I am so comforted in these stories because no matter how old, how desperate, how crazy it seems . . . God is in control. He opens and closes the womb. It’s His say, His time.

So as people ask us all kinds of questions like if we have kids, do we want kids, why don’t we have kids, can you have kids, etc. my answer has been “We’re trying.”

I think I’ll change my response from “we’re trying” to “we’re waiting.” Like Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel waited . . . I’ll wait. I will wait in faith, in confident expectation, assurance of His character, and hope in Him.

A friend of mine gave me a gift for our first child, a blanket she started knitting when she found out we were trying. She handed it to me with a small card with two very encouraging words written on it . . . "For Someday". So I cling to that. Perhaps not today, not now, but someday.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

“For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him.” (1 Samuel 1:27)