To Be, rather than To Seem

A couple of weeks ago, I came across this phrase:

Esse quam videri

It is a Latin phrase meaning

"To be, rather than to seem”.

To be: who you really are
To seem: who you want people to think you are

Because let’s face it, don’t we really want our yard to appear like this:


Not this?


Or if you’re a mom, don’t you want to seem like this?


Not like this?


But I wonder . . . if there’s freedom in BEING instead of SEEMING? Seeming to have it all together is too exhausting. And at the heart of it is discontentment, competition, comparison, guilt, fear, and shame.

I asked you ladies a few weeks ago why we compare? Why do we struggle with comparison so much? And pleaded for all of us to stop. Because all it does is make us live in competition with one another instead of true community. It makes us more worried about appearance and how we seem, than who we truly are created to be.

And sometimes the place we want to seem the best is at church. We want to seem the most spiritual, the most knowledgeable, the most faith-filled, the most put together, the most Proverbs 31ish.

Instead of just being. Being tired, being someone who is in the midst of hard, being exhausted, being real, being teachable.

We studied hypocrisy this week in Academy and it just hit me. If we are more worried about how we seem, we are missing who God created us to be.

If we are more consumed with being seen, we’re missing the point.
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:1)

You don’t think God knows what’s really going on that heart of yours? Mind of yours? Home of yours?

I would rather be in right relationship with the LORD, than seem like I am. I would rather be a disciple, than seem like I am. I would rather be a branch connected to the True Vine, than seem to bear fruit.

I would rather be a good neighbor, than seem like I am. I would rather be a good wife in secret, than seem like I am in public. I would rather be the woman God created me to be (thinker, writer, teacher) than seem like the woman Pinterest wants me to be (crafter, baker, Susie homemaker).

I would rather be honest in the struggle, than seem like I have it all together.

I would rather practice my righteousness in secret to be seen by my Father in Heaven, than practice my righteousness in public to be seen by others.

I would rather be than seem.

Let’s put away our appearance of holiness, and be true disciples.

“Cease striving and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

What Pleases God?

{Psalm 51:16-17}
"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

Contrite: Feeling or showing sorrow and remorse for a sin or shortcoming

We think God wants sacrifice from us . . . that He is pleased with our religious activity . . . that our busy hands win His approval.

All our religion does is make us proud, makes us feel higher than we really are. God doesn't want us high and proud, he wants us low and humble.

God does not want religious activity, he wants repentant hearts.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:3)

Eternity into Our Hearts

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

I remember when my father suddenly died of a heart attack when I was 19, I had an immediate question . . .

“So what now?” There has to be more to life? It can’t just be ‘that’s it, you’re done’? There has to be purpose to why my dad existed and why he was gone from this earth in literally a heart beat.

Which led me to believe someone else is in charge of our time on earth. Life isn’t just “create your destiny”, “think positively and your dreams would come true”. I knew moments after this tragedy that something or someone bigger than me existed and controlled the number of days, breaths, and heart beats we have on this earth.

That was the beginning of me understanding eternity. That was the beginning of me learning that God puts eternity into man’s heart-meaning God reveals in us that we will exist long after our days on this earth. We ARE eternal beings, what happens on this earth matters, we do NOT cease to exist after our last breath.

Accepting this reality, that we are eternal beings, was the first step. You see Solomon goes on to say “yet he cannot find out what God has done from beginning to end”. My commentary reads: The Preacher thus realizes that both his desire to understand all of life, as well as the limitations on his ability to do so, have been ordained by God.

I know to live with any integrity at all, I had to confess that sense of “something bigger than me” was God. And after confessing it, pursue it. But you see Solomon’s words are true, my understanding was limited. This is where we get stuck. We may sense there is a God, but because we can’t fully understand Him (or really because we don’t agree with things he’s allowed or done), we reason Him away. Romans 1 calls it “supressing the truth”.

We can’t stand the thought of swallowing our pride and admitting something bigger, something beyond my understanding, is in control. So we accept things much smaller because they make sense to us. We exchange the truth for a lie (Romans 1:25), something more convenient, something more comfortable, something we can wrap our minds around.

Friends, can I encourage you seek out the Truth about who God is? And when you don’t understand, rather than throw it all away in disbelief, humble yourself and worship a God whose “thoughts are not our thoughts, and whose ways are higher than our ways” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

You have heard me say “I lost and earthly father, and gained a Heavenly Father”. The LORD opened my eyes through this tragedy and beckoned me to “Come, follow Him.” However, I know many who have been through similar things and ran the other way, doubting that a good God would allow bad things, so He must not exist.

When in reality, God makes everything beautiful in its time. He uses all things for good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

So rather than throw your fist up at God, harden your heart, and run the other way because you don’t understand . . . would you pursue what you know in your heart already? He was, He is, He will be forever and is waiting for you to accept the invitation to spend eternity with Him.

The HEART of the Matter

Life is messy. Life is hard. The deeper we go in relationships, the messier it becomes. I’d rather live in the mess than stay on the surface, but in all honesty, jumping into the mess with others can be painful.

I’m writing this as I just spent probably the first 15 minutes of my prayer time in tears, grieving over choices friends have made, people choosing sin over God. I realized in this prayer time, that if I grieve this much over another person choosing sin, how much more does God grieve?

Or an even harder question to ask: What in my life causes the LORD grief?

Our sin not only separates us from God, it grieves Him.

As you read through the Bible, you find so many accounts of people choosing sin, compromising a little here, a little there, to end up far from the LORD or worshipping other gods.

So there is truth, purpose, and love behind the first commandment to have ‘no other gods’ before Him (Exodus 20:3). He is jealous for me. When we have other gods it not only hurts us, it hurts God. These commandments are not restrictive but meant to show us what leads to life and life abundant.

Maybe that’s why the psalmist always talks about “delighting in your commandments”. . . because there is true joy and peace when we live God’s way, according to His precepts and commandments.

So then why do we constantly choose ‘other gods’? The god of drunkenness, relationships, materialism, etc.? Only to prove the proverb “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.” (Proverbs 26:11)

Why do we chose folly over wisdom? TV over abiding? Beer over God? Death over life?

Can you imagine if all my husband wanted was to spend time with me, love me, help me and I continued to go out and try to find that love somewhere else, with something else? All the while, it’s waiting at home for me.

All this to say our sin (choosing our way instead of God-whether in action or attitude) grieves God, separates us from Him, and brings us pain in the end.

Are we truly living and abiding in that first commandment? No other gods? Is there something bigger than God in your life? Something more important, more “fun”, more comfortable? Something causing a mess in your life?

Let us find these other gods, remove them, repent, and come back to the One True Living God.

The HEART of the matter is this . . . NO OTHER GODS. Choose Him over sin, God and His way of life over our own. Come to the end of self to begin a new life in Him.