Saturday, January 28, 2012

Confessions of a Grumbling Grumbler

{Redeeming My Time & Being Faithful Where He Has Me}

A few weeks ago I mentioned how God used Nehemiah to rebuild the wall in just 52 days. I began a journey of intentionally seeking Him and asking Him to search my heart over these next 52 days.

I sought Him.
He found me.

I have been struggling everyday over the fact that I have to drive out to Aynesworth. For lots of reasons . . .

1) I don’t really want to work in a classroom anymore.
2) It’s far. 30 minutes there, 30 minutes back.
3) I’d rather be in the Word, praying, meeting with people for coffee, or let’s be real honest, sleeping in.

I usually keep the radio off and practice silence. I try to spend time thinking, listening, and praying. Though I intend to do those things in my mind and with my lips, deep down in my heart I’m grumbling.

God, why? Why do I have to make this meaningless 30 minute drive out into Southeast Fresno, to flip ABC cards for 3 hours? Why do you have me here? God this feels so purposeless!

This past Monday while sitting in silence (and stewing in the stench of grumbling and ingratitude) I’m asking these things of the LORD. When I feel a subtle nudge from His spirit, a whisper in my heart...

For my purpose.

I often pray, LORD I want to surrender to Your will for my life, to be in obedience to Your plan. I want to proclaim You from whatever platform you give me, serve you with all that I have, wherever you’d place me.

So He places me here . . . part time at Aynesworth, still in a classroom, and my heart says “Oh but just not there, just not doing that.” I say with my lips I want to serve Him, and with my heart I secretly whisper "your will, but according to my plans. LORD I’ll serve you and proclaim You, within my parameters and preference."

Have you been there? Saying “LORD, your will be done” but really meaning “but do it my way.”

So after coming to grips with this, I repented, I confessed I’ve been trying to get out of what He’s placed me in.

I don’t know if your in a season where you feel called to something else and yet God has you in a place where you can’t leave. It’s like you’re stuck in the meantime, or better yet, between time. Always trying to get over there but for now, God has you here.

I’m reminded of when David was anointed King, and then had to go right back into the fields to shepherd. He was called out, but had to remain in the mundane. It was His calling, it just wasn't His time . . . yet. He knew He was going to be king, but for whatever reasons he had to stay in those fields. My wise pastor said "God had to refine His skills to slay those giants."

So here’s to blooming where you’re planted, being faithful to what He’s called you to do, and redeeming your time. Instead of always trying to get over there, being faithful to right here.

"Next to faith this is the highest art -- to be content with the calling in which God has placed you." - Martin Luther


  1. Very well said Melissa! I have been going through much of the same thing. Thank you for sharing. I will do my best to follow along with your meditation Monday. And perhaps ainsworth needs a Good News Club? Could that be why you are there? Could there be a child that needs to see the love of Christ through you and your wonderful attitude? God has a plan, and sometimes he lets us in on it. LOL

    In His service
    Tammy D

  2. "Blooming where you are planted..." I like it.